Military Set to Celebrate Blowjob and Cornhole Liberation Day

After years of debate over the merits of Lawrence v. Texas and pressure from powerful anti-anything-other-than-missionary-sex Christian lobbyists, congress is finally set to add consensual blow jobs and cornholing to the list of military benefits.

Via Military Times:

Consensual sodomy would no longer be a crime under the Uniform Code of Military Justice under a provision of a compromise defense bill agreed to by the leaders of the House and Senate Armed Services Committee.

This reminds me of a conversation with a young military member who, just last year, said “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the commissary and exchange privileges, medical care, and GI Bill, but it sure would be nice to get some consensual backdoor action without fear of prosecution.”

He was quick to clarify “And, I’m serious about the consensual part, despite what Gillibrand thinks about all us males in uniform.”

Prior to the change, this was the only form of cornholing allowed by the UCMJ, albeit begrudgingly:

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Apropos of everything, this particular model is made by the company “Toss-O.”

While the ultimate fate of the current defense bill is not certain, optimism is high that a change to the law will toss the current maximum punishment of 5 years confinement and a dishonorable discharge.

Apparently, change would have come sooner, but the strong Washington animal lobby was fearful that a radical change would place the nation’s population of cuddly creatures (large or small) in peril at the hands of legions of lecherous military members.

The provision modifies Article 125 of the UCMJ so that bestiality and forcible sodomy remain a military criminal offense but consensual sodomy is not.

That distinction is intended to prevent a repeat of a situation two years ago when the Senate first tried to repeal Article 125 in light of the repeal of the military’s ban on open service by gays. Following the Senate vote, a firestorm of criticism was leveled at the defense bill by conservative pro-family groups claiming that Congress was trying to legalize bestiality.

Bless their hearts.

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6 thoughts on “Military Set to Celebrate Blowjob and Cornhole Liberation Day

  1. Every time I’d teach trainees about the UCMJ I’d give them the warning of U.S. v. Sanchez, 27 CMR 711, who was sentenced to a DD and confinement at hard labor for 3 years after he entered a chicken coop and “grabbed a chicken and took it to the upper portion of the house where he . . . ‘put his penis in it'” IVO Article 125, UCMJ. Bless his heart.

    1. To think, hordes of service members like him were waiting to defile America’s poultry. Thank goodness congress showed restraint before reforming the rule.

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