Death By Credentials

People who make a fuss about putting something (anything) after their name amuse me. It is a sad amusement, but amusement nonetheless.

Something today reminded me of this. It was a request on LinkedIn from a person with an alphabet salad of credentials following their family name. It included PE, CEM, GBE, PMP, LEED AP.  While I immediately recognized the first and last, I wasn’t entirely sure about the ones in the middle. I knew it either had something to do with construction/design/engineering, or it showed that they failed at engineering and were forced into real estate.

Having suffered this unsolicited LinkedIn acronym assault, I have a few simple rules for dealing with arrays of post-name credentials.

1. If, when I google your credential, a reasonable certifying agency does not appear on the first page of results, I assume you to be full of shit.

2. For post-name certifications, two is the limit (i.e. Hotlips Houlihan, RN, BSN), unless the desired post-name certification is “Esq” or “JD.” In that case, zero is the limit.

3. Before using a post-name certification, you must stand outside the entrance to Sears wish a large card depicting your desired acronym. Survey at least 100 people coming in or out of Sears. If more than 60% are clueless as to its meaning, you aren’t allowed to use it.

4. The number of post-name credentials you list is directly proportional to how desperate you are to find a job (or escape your current job).

5. I don’t care who you are, or what it stands for. If I see that you have “PMP” after your name, you will be a punchline.


2 thoughts on “Death By Credentials

  1. You had me until you mentioned Sears. The only way you could have sounded older is if you called it “The Sears.” It makes your entire argument suspect.

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