The No-Touch Not Guilty Verdict

A lot of people ask me “Eric, how do you do it? How do you cause judges and jurors to submit to your will.”

Until now, I’ve been coy when answering this question. I don’t like to divulge my secrets. After all, I’ve gotta keep the business flowing my way, and my competitive edge is of vital importance.

Today, however, I’m feeling generous.

So, how do I do it?

Chi.

Yep, Chi.

Occasionally, I just mesmerize jurors with a powerful Chi Ball. These are especially powerful around the holiday season.

Other times, I just zap them with the Chi that flows from my fingertips during trial.

Sometimes, and I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I’ve flatlined a few judges with the power of Chi.

I learned all about Chi from the 50-year-old, balding, white, failed insurance salesman at the local strip mall who now insists upon being called “sensei.”

Does this all sound silly to you? How about after you watch the video (below)? Consider the poor saps sitting there in their jammies who believe that the power of Chi opens new powers of the mind. Are they different from those who hire charlatans (read: marketers, coaches, and social media gurus) who promise instantaneous wealth, fame, and success? The only difference is that martial arts suckers call it Chi.  Lawyer suckers call it awesomeness.

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4 thoughts on “The No-Touch Not Guilty Verdict

  1. Jeez, that’s six and a half minutes I’ll never get back. On a side note, I’m now alternating my big toes up and down every twenty seconds or so. PLUS, I’m going to keep moving my tongue around. PLUS, Oh, never mind–you’ll never believe me anyway.

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