Longing for the Days When Commanders Respected Soldier Needs

Being deployed is difficult. This goes without question. Some hardships are inevitable. Others are preventable. In some cases, the military makes life harder just because.

This seems to be one of those cases. Please, if you have any love in your hearts for America’s fighting men and women, write your congressman or senator in opposition to this Marine policy.

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Now, I do question whether this is real or a prank.

(Note: Article 92, UCMJ is the “Failure to Obey Order or Regulation” military law.)

Why I think this might be a prank.

– I can’t imagine a medical provider agreeing with the old “I caught the disease from a toilet seat” theory. Decades ago, this longstanding excuse used with aplomb by husbands worldwide was debunked. If it didn’t work for desperate, guilty husbands 20 years ago, it shouldn’t work for commanders today.

– Are we really to believe that a few ounces of semen somehow tips a port-a-potty from a sanitary oasis to unsanitary disease haven? After all, these things see gallons of urine every day, not to mention the semi-digested remnants of last night’s beef yakisoba. (An aside: When I was in Saudi Arabia in the 90s, the Air Force fed us beef yakisoba every night. The only saving grace was that it smelled the same on the way out as it did on the way in. But I digest.)

– It fails to cite authority (in the form of a dated policy memo or other order) or the commander issuing the order. Though, it does give a point of contact and phone number.

– Because my buddies and I pulled similar pranks when I was in Bosnia-Herzegovina. Anything for a chuckle.

– There’s the obvious enforcement problem. “So, Gunny, how exactly did you catch the Corporal doing this?”

Why I think this might be serious.

– Poor Michael Perkins is now known across facebook for being the POC (Point-of-Contact) for the masturbation policy. If it were not an actual policy, would they attach someone’s name to it? OK, well, I would, but aside from me, would a reasonable person do the same?

– Because military.

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