Boy Scout Update. Some Progress, but Still Exclusionary.

In a significant decision that will certainly benefit Boy Scout youth, the muckily-mucks in the Boy Scouts of America decided to allow openly gay scouts under the age of 18. (Age 18 is the point in Boy Scouts where a youth becomes an adult.)

In a significant decision that will continue to support my assertion that the muckity-mucks in the Boy Scouts of America are exclusionary and hardly positive examples of morality, understanding, and acceptance, they also voted to keep the gay-18-and-over crowd out of the program.

Essentially: Gay youth under the age of 18 are safe, moral, and eligible to be Eagle Scouts. At 12:01AM on their 18th birthday, they become immoral outcasts with a penchant for pedophilia.

Or, if you prefer a graphical representation and missed this graphic in my earlier post (click to embiggen):

Screen Shot 2013-04-19 at 9.16.53 PM

It’s In The Books

Published by the American Psychiatric Associat...
Published by the American Psychiatric Association, the DSM-IV-TR provides a common language and standard criteria for the classification of mental disorders. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You can tell a lot about a lawyer’s practice from the books on his shelves.

The three most tattered and dog-eared books on my shelf (in order):

1. Manual for Courts-Martial

2. Department of the Army Pamphlet 27-9 (Military Judges’ Benchbook)

3. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition (DSM-IV)

Will the DSM-5 replace my beloved DSM-IV? At this point, my magic 8 ball says “outlook hazy.”

 

BigLaw vs. ShitLaw

If you’ve ever read “Above the Law,” you know that there are two distinct flavors of private law practice. The first is BigLaw. These are big firms with big clients with big budgets with big offices in big buildings and paying big salaries. They are the ones who advertise to law students that they will only consider those in the top 5% of the class to come and provide janitorial services in hopes of getting a shot to do lawyerly stuff.

There are many good reasons that these BigLaw jobs are coveted, as the brass ring is huge.

The other segment of private practice is called ShitLaw. This is everyone who is……well……..not BigLaw.

I freely admit that I am in the ShitLaw.

Though, I’ve said before that I don’t consider myself to have a small practice. Nope. I’m fun-sized.

Anyhow, a lot of ShitLaw practitioners bash BigLaw. Some of it is jealousy. Some of it is because the BigLaw lifestyle is undesirable to them. Some were excreted by BigLaw after a year or two. There are many reasons. BigLaw ignores ignores all the criticism, because they are BigLaw.

I’ll just be honest, and the best way to be honest is with an honest infographic. I determined the following categories to be important in framing my analysis of BigLaw vs. ShitLaw.

Salary. Be honest with yourselves. You’re looking to provide for your family and yourself in the best possible way. Salary matters, regardless of how you slice it.

Prestige. Everyone who goes to law school has an ego. The ego needs to be fed. Prestige is the most robust way to feed it. There are two types of lawyers out there: those who admit that they have a big ego and those whose ginormous ego prevents them from admitting the same.

Fine Dining. The fastest rising demographic in America are the idiots who call themselves “foodies.” That fact coupled with the average belt size of Americans gives a clear indication that dining is important. Rich, fine, fatty dining.

Paying for Stuff. How you pay for stuff says a lot about you. How you are are able to pay for stuff says even more.

Client Intake. No clients means no salary, abysmal prestige, no fine dining, and no paying for stuff. Some are handed the Glengarry leads. Others need to steal them.

Cleaning the Toilet. This is perhaps the most important factor, as it alone is an honest indication of who you are and the practice you have. The biggest benefit of going to a place of outside employment is that you aren’t required to maintain toilets and toilet cleanliness. If you coordinate your daily routine accordingly, this can even save  time at home. Us guys in ShitLaw clean a lot of…..well……you get the point.

Having said all of that, here’s the infographic:

(click the picture to embiggen)

Screen Shot 2013-05-16 at 1.36.17 PM

That being said, we ShitLaw guys have the ultimate trump card during conversations with BigLaw folks (when they’re forced to mingle with the smelly lawyers of the world). It goes like this:

A Job for Everyone in the Army

Just for fun, here are a few of the lesser-known specialties in the Army (with corresponding number designation for when you, in an excited fit, visit your local recruiter after reading this).

12K Plumber

12G Quarrying Specialist

15H Aircraft Pneudraulics Repair

25M Multimedia Illustrator

25E Electromagnetic Spectrum Manager (Note: Otherwise, electromagnetic spectrums would be forced to wander the Army as a leaderless mess.)

350Z Attaché Technician (Note: When you need to fix your attaché, you obviously need an attaché tech.)

40C Army Astronaut

420C Bandmaster

56D Clinical Pastoral Educator (Praise Jeebus (in a clinical way))

88U Railway Operations Crew Member

92S Shower/Laundry and Clothing Repair Specialist