After a Long Day of Applying Conservative Bumper Stickers…

Come by the Lotus Spa for a relaxing “massage.”

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Sorry for the quality of the picture, but I think you get the juxtaposition. I am also not going to imply or state anything about this establishment. You can google it for yourself. I am also not implying anything about Mister-Angry-Conservative-Bumper-Sticker-Guy. For all I know, he is in another shop nearby.

George Jones: Flawed, And I Don’t Give a Damn

As a kid, most of my Saturday mornings were spent rumbling along gravel roads in NE Kansas in my dad’s beat-up Chevy truck. We meandered from farm auction to farm auction. He bought a lot of dollar boxes–piles of junk in disintegrating and smelly cardboard, but with the possibility of a little piece of farm-gold contained within. They were all still piled-up in the barn when I cleaned it out 20 years later for our own farm auction–the only one of them I wish I could forget.

On those trips, the radio was always tuned to 61 Country, a Kansas City country and western station. AM, of course. Waylon and Willie were always heard on those mornings. So was Ronnie Milsap, and Johnny Cash, and Conway Twitty,  and even the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band.

On the best of those days, there was always at least one offering from George Jones. His tales were the ones that made my dad listen. Really listen.

I listened, too. But, I’d never admit it. As a kid, I couldn’t admit such a thing to my father.

Now, though, I admit it to all of you, wishing I could do the same with my father and sad that one of the voices from my childhood passed today.

You’re Unbecoming

How about a new law? Sure. Why not?

Here’s the text of the law:

Any citizen of the United States who is convicted of conduct unbecoming a citizen of the United States shall be punished as a court may direct.

Simple. Easy. But, how about the elements? I got those, too.

1. That the accused did or omitted to do certain acts; and

2. That, under the circumstances, these acts or omissions constituted conduct unbecoming a citizen of the United States.

Well, Mister-Smarty-Pants-Law-Writer-Guy, what if the accused is guilty of other offenses, like larceny?

Good news, everyone. You can be found guilty of the larceny and guilty of my new crime, just because of the larceny. Guilty of one means guilty of both. No unreasonable multiplication or charges. No muss. No fuss. How’s that for keeping it real?

Maximum punishment, you say? Well, just to show you that I’m not a hard-hearted guy, let’s keep it at a simple 1 year of confinement.

I feel extremely proud of my newfound law-writing abilities. Only, I really can’t take credit for it.

From the “laws that have been used for decades department,” I give you Article 133 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice, which states:

Any commissioned officer, cadet, or midshipman who is convicted of conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman shall be punished as a court-martial may direct.

 

Kansas Pride! (Updated)

Being from Kansas, I must derive pride in my home-state in ways that differ from other states.

Regularly, I am saddened and embarrassed by the behavior and decisions of Kansas politicians. The opposite of this, of course, is that I derive pride in the fact that certain badly-behaved politicians are not from Kansas. Therefore, I make the following proud and joyous declarations.

Dennis Johnson is not from Kansas! Never mind that he said something that I heard regularly throughout my childhood. That doesn’t matter. What matters now is that he is not from Kansas.

Nate Bell is not from Kansas! Sure, he said something that probably inspired many nods of approval in cafes and barber shops across my red state, but the most important fact right now is that he is not from Kansas.

UPDATED: Lindsey Graham is not from Kansas! Sure, he (mis)understands the US Constitution as well as those with a Kansas public school education, but he’s not. Score another point for the Land of Dirt.

There you go. I’m as proud as a peacock, for today at least.

Frankly, anything that causes me to momentarily forget the 80s Kansas tourism slogan is a good thing:

“Kansas, The Land of Ahhhhs.”

So Tweeteth…Some Idiot Arkansas Politician (Updated)

Thank goodness America is banding together in concern for the people of Boston. Of course, “banding together in concern” takes a different meaning for some. Consider Arkansas Representative Nate Bell.

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So glad to see that Nate is generous enough to not succumb to an urge to turn the horrible situation in Boston into a partisan plank in his (hopefully reinforced) platform.

So, what is my message here? I’d rather be on lockdown in any large city for a day or two than subject to Mr. Bell’s representation as a resident of Arkansas for any length of time–no matter how short.

My thoughts and hopes now go to both the people of Boston and the people of Arkansas’ 20th District.

Here’s Nate’s profile from arkansashouse.org.

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H/T Popehat

UPDATE:

He did respond on Facebook. The comments thus far appear to be very forgiving, especially the first. This screencap is from when his apology was fairly new, you can watch the growing list of comments here.

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