Dear 63%ers of the 2nd Congressional District of Illinois

Last November, you overwhelmingly (63%) elected a person with the following attributes (at the time of the election) as your representative in Congress:

  • Incumbent
  • Absent from office since June 2012 with no return date known (initially, his whereabouts were unknown to the public he purported to zealously represent as a lawmaker).
  • Diagnosed this year with “mood disorder” and bipolar disorder.
  • Something about a Peruvian hostess.
  • Implicated in the Senate-seat-selling scandal of Rod Blagojevich.
  • Currently the subject of a Congressional Ethics Investigation.
  • Previously implicated in an FBI investigation.
  • Currently the subject of an FBI criminal investigation.
  • Previously named one of the 15 most corrupt members of Congress by liberal group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington.

Now, make the following changes to bring us to today:

  • Subtract: Incumbent (since he resigned shortly after you ushered him back into office)
  • Add: “Pleaded guilty on February 20, 2013 to one count of wire and mail fraud in connection with his misuse of $750,000 of campaign funds. As part of a plea agreement, prosecutors will recommend that Jackson be sentenced to between 46 to 57 months in prison.” (via his Wikipedia entry)

Knowing that we subtracted one attribute and added one, that leaves us at a net change of zero. Thus, he’s still the same man you elected in November.

So, assuming the worst possible sentence based on the information above, we should expect the dedicated and steadfast 63%ers to put him back into office in 2018.


One thought on “Dear 63%ers of the 2nd Congressional District of Illinois

  1. Ow! Have you no respect for CELEBRITY? You’re just sooo picky, Eric! What is it with you and these evolving ideas and values and stuff? Don’t confuse P.E.O.P.L.E.

    I have had so many good laughs (and sorry sighs) catching up.

Comments are closed.