OK, troops, it’s time for me to assign each of you your duties for today.

You five need to go to the arms room and clean weapons. Make them sparkle.

You four need to go clean the barracks. I should be able to eat off the floor.

You three need to go mow the grass outside our buildings. I’d better not see any weeds.

And, for the fifteen of you that remain, you’re going to go build a cupcake tank to celebrate the Army’s birthday. Make sure it fires cupcakes, too.

My tax dollars funded cupcake #372, just so you know.

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