I’m Sorry, Did I Hear You Say Gunboat?

Specially designed for routine interdiction operations and large-scale invasions.

Oh, Texas. Haven’t you ever seen the movie “Blue Thunder?” Sure, it wasn’t the finest of cinematic creations, but it still had a very clear message about police, civil rights, violence, and the use of force.

Perhaps it’s time we refresh the premise with a remake, just to remind them that there are no foreign Armys preparing to cross the Rio Grande. Via CNN.

Next month, the state’s Department of Public Safety will deploy the first of a fleet of six gunboats on the Rio Grande, the river that forms the border between the state and Mexico, CNN affiliate WFAA-TV reports.

The 34-foot-long boats, each powered by three, 300-horsepower outboard engines, will have bulletproof plating and six machine guns apiece, not unlike the river patrol boats the U.S. Navy used during the Vietnam War.

OK, Vietnam was a war (thought not officially declared). The US faced both non-unifomed insurgents and an opposing, organized military force. This is for something far more sinister, that War on Drugs. The best defense against drugs? Evidently three 300-horsepower engines. One or two 300-horsepower engines would mean certain failure in this war.

So, overall, what is the rationale?

“If you’re trying to suppress organized smuggling activity, there’s no substitute for putting people on the ground,” Texas Department of Public Safety Director Steven C. McCraw said at the December ceremony. “The way they’re operating right now, you need them on the water as well.”

Wow, ummm, good for you guys. Those machine guns should be handy, but aren’t you leaving a lot to chance by not throwing-in a few anti-armor missiles? After all, putting people on the ground means nothing if they aren’t capable of creating large craters in that same ground.

Fine. Let’s get to the bottom line. Overall, what is the message they’re sending?

“It sends a message: Don’t mess with Texas,” Jose Rodriguez, a regional commander of the Texas Department of Safety, told WFAA.



8 thoughts on “I’m Sorry, Did I Hear You Say Gunboat?

  1. My advice to drug smugglers attempting to cross the Rio Grande: When you get to the river, look both ways. If you see a gunboat, don’t cross yet. Wait until it goes away, and then you can cross safely.

    I’m sure the gunboats will be a lot of fun for a few lucky Texas Rangers who get to drive them and to shoot their guns. Otherwise, it’s hard to imagine what useful purpose they will serve.

    • So, basically, look twice before you cross the Rio Grande?

      Your advice will mean nothing once Texas purchases mortars and howitzers.

  2. Texas. Isn’t this the state that just de-funded the only organization providing basic healthcare services to poor women? Yee-hah.

    LOVE those priorities, Mr. Perry.

  3. God forbid we should abandon the War on Drugs. Look at the great bureaucracy we’ve formed…all those jobs. And this War is just as successful as our recent military incursions, too.

    (Did I just write that? Oops!)

    • You did say that, but I’ll assume you neglected your Tourette’s meds this morning.

      Since you were open with me, I must be open with you. Hailing from KS, I’m susceptible to things with a high “Yeehaw! Factor,” and this thing has a ton of Yeehaw going for it.

  4. Oh, yeah…Sorry about missing the “Yeehaw!” factor. Location, location location.

    As for the drug scum creeping over our border, I offer the last line from one of the Gonzo’s other books: “Exterminate the brutes.”

    “Don’t Mess With Texas” started out in the days of innocence as the best anti-littering slogan ever! Willie Nelson did PSAs.

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