Yodle Calling!

Ever heard of Yodle? They offer turn-key marketing, websites, and other stuff. I never really considered them. Though, they seem to thrive in our market-paranoid profession. Just check here.

Yesterday, though, as I finished a leftover chimichanga from the previous night, I got a marketing call from my friends at Yodle. It was at the right time. I was in the right place. I was bored and taking a forced break from reading a box full of medical records. Game on.

(Yes, I took notes. I always take notes and doodle during phone conversations. Habit.)

They called on my personal cell phone. This is an immediate red flag for me.

Yodle Person (YP): (in a very feminine, very flirty voice) Hi, is this Eric?

Me: Yes.

YP: This is Samantha from Yodle, how are you today?

Me: I’m good, you?

YP: I’m FANTASTIC (oh so enthusiastic, this Samantha).

Me: …

YP: Eric, I’ve got something WONDERFUL to talk to you about. I have to let you know about…

Me: Hang on. I know about Yodle, and I’m not wanting to buy…

YP: Oh, Eric, you haven’t even let me start. I have so much to tell you about.

Me Thinking: You had me at the way you said “Oh, Eric…”

Me Thinking More: Oh, Samantha, such a dirty tactic to say something to a man like that.

Me: Well, OK, I’m game.

YP: Wouldn’t you like to have more clients?

Me: Hang on. Are you talking about clients or potential clients?

YP: Both! We know how much…

Me: Well, hang on a second. Potential clients are killing me. They call. They want to talk. They don’t want to hire an attorney. They just want to suck time and information. I can’t handle a lot of those anymore.

YP: Well, we want to drive traffic to your website! Now, we have…

Me: Hang on. I just said that I don’t want a lot of cruddy potential clients who distract me from my wonderful clients. Besides, I already have a website, and it does…

YP: I know.

Me: You do?

YP: Yep, you’re at maryland criminal lawyer dot com (or something about Maryland and criminal law).

Me: Ummm, no.

YP: No?

Me: Nope. But, I do know someone in Maryland. She’s been practicing since 2001 but is taking some time off with her baby. I’d never be a member of the Maryland bar. Know why?

YP: No, but I…

Me: My friend had a helluva time. You see…. (I continued for at least 5 minutes) ….and that’s why I don’t like Maryland’s bar. Can you believe that?

YP: Wow. OK. Well, I wanted to… (sounding just a bit deflated)

Me: Oh my gosh, I totally forgot to tell you about my other friend. He’s practicing in Maryland, but then he…  (This story was probably only 3 minutes) …and then his client walked away a free man! Isn’t that great?!

YP: Yeah. Gosh. Well. Anyway, I was calling to see… (Sounding deflated and exasperated.)

Me: Hey, seriously, what’s with the completely wrong website address.

YP: I’m not really sure…

Me: Don’t you guys have Google. In fact, I bet you could even discover a lot about me with Yahoo. It’s almost dead, but still not bad. You know?

YP: Well, that’s what we got for…

Me: Hey, yeah, how did you get my information, and my wrong information?

YP: Well, we got your information from a service?

Me: (acting offended) A service? A service? I thought you were calling me about this personally. I thought I was truly valued, not just another lead on an index card. Samantha, the tone of voice you used, the friendliness you showed me. All just a lead?

YP: Eric, I’m really…

Me: Look, Samantha, you sound like a very, very nice person. I believe that, but you’re also working for a bunch of marketing scumbags. You deserve better. So do the people you call. Just think about it. I know you need a job. I get that, but keep looking for something better. You really will be happier someplace else. OK?

YP: Umm, OK?

Me: Great. Now, you have a great day, and remember what we talked about.

(Click)

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7 thoughts on “Yodle Calling!

  1. It’s so much fun messing with their minds. This is why I always answer my county-issued cell phone with “Big Flat County Bioterrorism and Emergency Preparedness Team.”*

    Stops the collection agencies dead in their tracks.

    (*which, technically, is completely true. The county hates it when i do that, though).

    1. I’m sure the county doesn’t mind.

      I know how you county government folks roll. You probably have a pool table in your office and a white Caddy with steer horns on the front.

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