Yesterday, though, as I finished a leftover chimichanga from the previous night, I got a marketing call from my friends at Yodle. It was at the right time. I was in the right place. I was bored and taking a forced break from reading a box full of medical records. Game on.
(Yes, I took notes. I always take notes and doodle during phone conversations. Habit.)
They called on my personal cell phone. This is an immediate red flag for me.
Yodle Person (YP): (in a very feminine, very flirty voice) Hi, is this Eric?
YP: This is Samantha from Yodle, how are you today?
Me: I’m good, you?
YP: I’m FANTASTIC (oh so enthusiastic, this Samantha).
YP: Eric, I’ve got something WONDERFUL to talk to you about. I have to let you know about…
Me: Hang on. I know about Yodle, and I’m not wanting to buy…
YP: Oh, Eric, you haven’t even let me start. I have so much to tell you about.
Me Thinking: You had me at the way you said “Oh, Eric…”
Me Thinking More: Oh, Samantha, such a dirty tactic to say something to a man like that.
Me: Well, OK, I’m game.
YP: Wouldn’t you like to have more clients?
Me: Hang on. Are you talking about clients or potential clients?
YP: Both! We know how much…
Me: Well, hang on a second. Potential clients are killing me. They call. They want to talk. They don’t want to hire an attorney. They just want to suck time and information. I can’t handle a lot of those anymore.
YP: Well, we want to drive traffic to your website! Now, we have…
Me: Hang on. I just said that I don’t want a lot of cruddy potential clients who distract me from my wonderful clients. Besides, I already have a website, and it does…
YP: I know.
Me: You do?
YP: Yep, you’re at maryland criminal lawyer dot com (or something about Maryland and criminal law).
Me: Ummm, no.
Me: Nope. But, I do know someone in Maryland. She’s been practicing since 2001 but is taking some time off with her baby. I’d never be a member of the Maryland bar. Know why?
YP: No, but I…
Me: My friend had a helluva time. You see…. (I continued for at least 5 minutes) ….and that’s why I don’t like Maryland’s bar. Can you believe that?
YP: Wow. OK. Well, I wanted to… (sounding just a bit deflated)
Me: Oh my gosh, I totally forgot to tell you about my other friend. He’s practicing in Maryland, but then he… (This story was probably only 3 minutes) …and then his client walked away a free man! Isn’t that great?!
YP: Yeah. Gosh. Well. Anyway, I was calling to see… (Sounding deflated and exasperated.)
Me: Hey, seriously, what’s with the completely wrong website address.
YP: I’m not really sure…
Me: Don’t you guys have Google. In fact, I bet you could even discover a lot about me with Yahoo. It’s almost dead, but still not bad. You know?
YP: Well, that’s what we got for…
Me: Hey, yeah, how did you get my information, and my wrong information?
YP: Well, we got your information from a service?
Me: (acting offended) A service? A service? I thought you were calling me about this personally. I thought I was truly valued, not just another lead on an index card. Samantha, the tone of voice you used, the friendliness you showed me. All just a lead?
YP: Eric, I’m really…
Me: Look, Samantha, you sound like a very, very nice person. I believe that, but you’re also working for a bunch of marketing scumbags. You deserve better. So do the people you call. Just think about it. I know you need a job. I get that, but keep looking for something better. You really will be happier someplace else. OK?
YP: Umm, OK?
Me: Great. Now, you have a great day, and remember what we talked about.