The Drizzlemaker

Lately, I’ve noticed several attorneys who, in their online bio, tout themselves as “Rainmakers.”

Now, maybe I have this wrong, but I thought this term referred to attorneys who, through years, skill, intelligence, and luck, achieved some legendary status in the local or national bar. The term, generally, is a compliment paid in third party fashion, and never in a first person reference (unless one wanted to appear as an uppity prick). I suspect many self-classified “Rainmakers” may see as much precipitation as the Sahara.

Previously, I characterized my law practice as “Fun Sized” relative to my BigLaw counterparts. Perhaps I should classify myself similarly. Perhaps the Internet has made the status of Rainmaker more accessible. Maybe now the compliment can be earned and referenced through correspondence, and $99 to a company in Dubai gets me a certificate.

Great! I’m game.

But, you know, I just don’t see myself at the “Rain” level yet. Nope. Can’t do it. 7 years of practice and less than 100 contested trials simply won’t do. The numbers just aren’t there. An alternative is needed.

Showermaker? No, showers imply rain.

Sprinklemaker? No. I’ll leave that for folks with urinary tract problems.

Light precipitation maker? Too many syllables, and too scientific sounding.

Sleetmaker? Too chilly for someone as en fuego as me.

Wait. I’ve got it.


Or, perhaps it would be easier if we all got over ourselves and left the weather to mother nature.


4 thoughts on “The Drizzlemaker

  1. Hail Maker – causing lots of damage, is painful, and generally unpleasant. Even in “fun size.”

      • Perhaps. But people want rain. It keeps the fields green and the reservoirs full.

        Unless they have a vehicle that they want to total out through the claims process on post, they usually don’t want hail.

  2. With assistance of my handy and oft used thesaurus link, I suggest you could start out as an Obnubilator — which would seem to be something along the lines of a maker of cloudiness. Has a certain ring to it, I think and sort of has the vibe of dark and cloudy with a chance of rain.

    1575–85; < Latin obnūbilātus, past participle of obnūbilāre to darken, obscure, equivalent to ob- ob- + nūbilāre to become cloudy, verbal derivative of nūbilus cloudy; see nubilous

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