If You Visit Malawi, Forget Taco Bell

CAPE TOWN/SOUTH AFRICA, 4JUN08 - Bingu Wa Muth...
The President of Malawi. Know why he has such a pained look on his face? He's been obeying the law. Image via Wikipedia

Say goodbye to the Malawi market, Taco Bell. You’re done.

Folks in the small, African nation believe in a high level of propriety, and why not? The Australian Broadcasting Corporation reports:

Malawian lawmakers will next week debate a law change to criminalise public farting, which a cabinet minister said had been encouraged by democracy.

“The government has a right to ensure public decency. We are entitled to introduce order in the country,” justice and constitutional affairs minister George Chaponda told independent radio station Capital Radio.

“Would you like to see people farting in public anywhere?”

Since the country embraced multi-party politics 16 years ago people had felt free to fart anywhere, Mr Chaponda said.

“It was not there during the time of dictatorship because people were afraid of the consequences. Now because of multipartism or freedom, people would like to fart anywhere,” he said.

Damn freedom thing. It makes a country a disgusting, methane-filled mess. But, Chaponda is not leaving the people stopped-up with their natural gasses. He has a solution.

Mr Chaponda, a key figure in president Bingu wa Mutharika’s government, said that if Malawians cannot control their farting “they should go to the toilet instead of farting in public.”

“Nature can be controlled … it becomes a nuisance if people fart anywhere.”

Now, not only is Taco Bell no longer a viable restaurant to open in Malawi, but they should also seriously consider banning American Football (broadcast or live), Cheetos, beer (especially the cheap stuff), Jack’s Links Beef Jerky, and large quantities of non-dairy creamer. They should also seek to disallow visits from anyone who enjoys watching “Cannonball Run.”

You figure this Chaponda guy must be an uneducated prick, right?

A lawyer himself, Mr Chaponda said that under the amended law farting will be considered a minor offence.

Oh, there we go. The only thing that would add to my amusement there is if he was also a graduate of a “Massachusetts law school.” Then this would be rich, very rich.

Now, they are actually considering beefing-up (no pun intended) an already existing Malawi law. What does it say? I’m glad you asked.

“Any person who voluntarily vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make it noxious to the health of persons in general dwelling or carrying on business in the neighbourhood or passing along a public way, shall be guilty of a misdemeanour.”

Now, that’s some fine lawmaking right there. The changes seek to expand the law to include all public locations. That’s great. I’m a fan of simplicity.

The law is brought to you by the same folks who ban pants on ladies and long hair on men.

I’d thank the Military Scott for bringing this to my attention, but I’m not sure if I really feel thankful.

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