Eric for Pope 2013

It looks like a short and frenzied campaign season, but I’m up for it. I have a robe, a few goofy hats, and a willingness to suppress progressive ideas (provided the pay is right).

Eric for Pope 2013. Looking to the Past; Imposing it on the Future.Image

Vote for me if…

You feel that the “Buddy Christ” should really be the symbol of the church.

You support my initiative to create the George Carlin Center for Religious Studies.

You would like to see the church fund a study to chronicle similarities between Jigsaw from “Saw” and the purportedly all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving god of the Old Testament.

You realize that the church isn’t against birth control or condoms, it just really digs how groovy the 70s were.

You realize that the Spanish Inquisition is the proper method for dealing with the creators and participants of reality television.

Genuflect, stand, kneel, sit, kneel, stand, sit, genuflect, stand, genuflect. You realize that this is the world’s first organized foray into crossfit.

You think the popemobile is the second most awesome vehicle ever created by man, second only to the El Camino. (I promise all of my loyal subjects a PopeCamino within the first year).

Your way of dealing with serious priest misconduct: think “Running Man” in a post-apocalyptic Vatican City.

Your idea of communion: 1 shot of Jack and a “Chicken-in-a-Biskit.” Christ never tasted this awesome.

Your support the idea of an ordained Flava Flav.

7 thoughts on “Eric for Pope 2013

    1. Pursuant to longstanding traditions of organized religion, the Flava Flav plank of my platform could mysteriously disappear, provided your campaign contribution is generous enough.

  1. I am not catholic, but I fully support your bid for Pope. I might lessen the disdain that I have for catholicism and catholics to a lesser level than i generally have for religions and the followers of them if you succeed.

      1. I’m from Alabama. Chicken biskits are use for communion in Baptist churches down here. They have been ever since the earth began 2,000 years ago and the, good(debatable, I know), god fearing people of this state sprung, fully formed, from the red clay.

  2. It’s, sadly, one of the state’s prouder moments, along with the fact that we all haven’t died the death of a turkey, drowning as result of staring up into the sky with an open mouth during a rain storm.

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