A Summary of Internet Wisdom
January 15, 2013 § 5 Comments
After a few years of using the internet, here’s a quick summary of every viewpoint, every angle, and every affiliation.
Say what we think you should say, in the way we want you to say it, or we’ll dismiss you as unworthy of attention.
Read what we think you should read, or we’ll label you as unintelligent and uninformed.
Stand where we want you to stand, or we’ll claim you are weak.
Agree with our thoughts, or we’ll curse you as evil and unfeeling.
Surrender what we want to take, or we’ll say you lack charity.
React as we feel you should react, or we’ll dismiss you as uncaring and boorish.
Interact with those whom we approve, lest we labor for your damnation.
Take what we are willing to give, or we’ll chide you for being ungrateful.
Never question what we say, or we’ll subject you to instantaneous social exile.
No matter what we say or how we say it, we are more accepting, charitable, openminded, and tolerant than everyone else.
We only want to ensure your freedom, your happiness, and the safety of your children.
*Feel free to add “So help me, god” after any (or all) of these, if it makes you feel better.