A Summary of Internet Wisdom

January 15, 2013 § 5 Comments

After a few years of using the internet, here’s a quick summary of every viewpoint, every angle, and every affiliation.

Say what we think you should say, in the way we want you to say it, or we’ll dismiss you as unworthy of attention.

Read what we think you should read, or we’ll label you as unintelligent and uninformed.

Stand where we want you to stand, or we’ll claim you are weak.

Agree with our thoughts, or we’ll curse you as evil and unfeeling.

Surrender what we want to take, or we’ll say you lack charity.

React as we feel you should react, or we’ll dismiss you as uncaring and boorish.

Interact with those whom we approve, lest we labor for your damnation.

Take what we are willing to give, or we’ll chide you for being ungrateful.

Never question what we say, or we’ll subject you to instantaneous social exile.

No matter what we say or how we say it, we are more accepting, charitable, openminded, and tolerant than everyone else.

We only want to ensure your freedom, your happiness, and the safety of your children.

*Feel free to add “So help me, god” after any (or all) of these, if it makes you feel better.

§ 5 Responses to A Summary of Internet Wisdom

  • Howard says:

    *Disclaimer: while our ideas, opinions, expectations, and actions may change radically and without notice, you are required to stay up to date with the current state of affairs.

    And listen to what we mean, not what we say (and, for the love of all that is holy, not as we actually do.)

  • Texas ADA says:

    This is a great post, Eric.

    I would add something like, “Feel free to ask questions on any forum which supplies answers. Stupid people are always standing by at the ready.” :-D

  • Oh Em Gee. I wish I had written this. Would read more of your entries here but haven’t taken my medication…

  • Texas ADA says:

    Thought about this blog again yesterday, after reading an article elsewhere and then reading the wild-dog-frenzy of attacks in the comments section. What you’ve written is so true, Eric. Civility is just gone from the internet civilization. (And I’m sorry I didn’t say “ignorant” instead of “stupid” in my prior comment.)

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